Surburban Sasquatsh – Squashy takes New Jersey

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https://i2.wp.com/pics.imcdb.org/0is233/suburbansas28.6160.jpgCheers to the fine folks over at /r/BadMovies for finding this gem. This one hails from my neck of the wood in North Jersey, for better or worse.

Sasquatch, or at least a guy in a Party City factory blemished Gorilla suit is running a muck in the suburbs. He’s pissed about something, and he’s got skills, Over head pressing a police car, hearts ripped from peoples chests kung-fu style, beating people to death with their own limbs. Budget was said to be about $550 (talking 2003-2004 Dollars)

His roar, or more accurately, Yaur, sounds like a the chainsaw from DOOM revving up. Guns, or at least the ones we are allowed to have in NJ, can’t stop it, SUVs and mini vans can’t stop it. But native American shaman may be able too, or maybe that girl from the Hunger Games…

https://i2.wp.com/www.hairballmedia.com/suburban_sasquatch_4.jpghttps://i0.wp.com/indieguystudios.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/s02620667uw4.jpg

If it was not already forced and awkward enough, they even manage to somehow shoehorn in a romance plot line.

While this one has all the tenants of bad movies: blue filters for night shots, pacing issues, bad sound, horrible actors, next to no budget – it does have some new things. So many of the Special effects are done with even worse CGI effects. The muzzle flashes for every gun look like the same camera flash, and one guys head getting smashed looks like it was drawn in using MS paint. They even added a net (yes a rope net) via CGI in one scene. Even when done well, like the ending of The Dead Hate The Living, it takes me out of the film.

If it were not for the fact otherwise the movie is so wonderfully bad I would have passed. I mean punching out a guys heart before you feed it too him? What can beat that?

https://i0.wp.com/dailygrindhouse.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/vlcsnap-2011-09-12-00h28m02s92.jpg

Call me old-fashioned but I would have been happier seeing a ziplock bag full of cherry jello flop out. Oh well it’s modern world now, and I will have to get used to it with new movies I suppose. After Effects must be the new stock footage.

I say drink a Great Divide Yeti Stout or two, or 6 with this one. Take your pick, any one of the versions I think will work out well. Yes you get a cryptid on the bottle though he is possibly less ill-tempered. I mean he isn’t in the movie and gets to hang around in Colorado. A tasty stout for sure, but with its huge alcohol presence it also burns. So much like the movie you have to endure a little hurt mixed with the enjoyment.

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